Dear Moon:
    Years ago I was one of the elite trainers who raced and won at Keeneland.  After 30-years I retired to my farm in Versailles.  As you know, the prices for beans and corn are at a 20-year low and you can't hardly give a hog away these days.
    Bein' a little short on cash I have agreed to take a job braking yearlings and 2-year-olds for D. Wayne Lukas at my farm in Versailles.
    That cowboy told me to take these Keeneland yearlings he buys and "make racehorses out of them."
    My question is this:  If you were me, would you castrate these yearlings before we put them on a Sallee Van to Versailles or wait until we get them back to the farm.
  Signed,
  Herb K. Stevens
  (leading trainer at Keeneland in the
    fall meets of 1963, 1969 and 1970)
Dear Herb:
    I don't think it makes any difference, just as long as you do it within the first 48 hours after you purchase them.

Dear Moon:
    I have been the butt of several unflattering articles in Indian Charlie and now he's saying things that are just not true.
    He accused me of being addicted to Viagra.  That's simply not true.  I have not eaten even one Viagra since yesterday at noon.  He also said my 22-year-old girlfriend had left me.  It was my 18-year-old girlfriend that left, not the 22-year-old.
    Not only that, but Indian Charlie said that balin' wire was holdin' my right shoulder together.  Doc Otis Chaney x-rayed my right shoulder and said he could find no evidence of balin' wire.
    What do you think?
      Signed,
  Barney Sams,
  of the Reynolds Bell
  Thoroughbred Services
Dear Barney:
    Just because Doc Chaney couldn't find any balin' wire in your x-ray, don't mean it ain't in there.

Dear Moon:
    I am getting tons of hate mail from people who wagered on Swain (IRE) in the Breeders' Cup Classic.  They all blame me for Frankie Dettori's bad ride because I told him how to ride the race.  I can't go anywhere, the drugstore, grocery or even to Furlong's to eat without people booing me and scoffing at me.  My life is miserable and I don't know what to do.
    Signed,
    Gainsborough Farm
    Racing Manager,
    Harley Clemmons
Dear Harley:
    If you think your life is miserable now, wait until your feet are back in them steel-toed shoes and your ass is back in that tow truck.

Dear Moon:
    Last night I was attending this big fancy sit-down dinner at a wedding reception held just up the hill from the Keeneland Sale's Pavilion.  I noticed that each place setting had a knife, a spoon and two forks. 
    My question is this:  What was the extra fork there for?

    Signed,
    Mike "Dirt" Bell
    (former 606er)
Dear Dirt:
    There are two reasons for the extra fork.
    One, if you were real hungry you could eat with both hands (if you were ambidextrous) and  two, in case you dropped one, you would still have one clean fork left.

Dear Moon:
    I use to work for The Daily Racing Form until Steven Crist took over and then I was fired.  I now work for a trash publication called The New York Daily News.
    A week or so ago, as you know, we were both having dinner with a group of mutual friends when you and I became engaged in a rather ugly discussion about thoroughbred horseracing.
    At one point you became very vocal and everyone in Manero's on Hallendale Beach Blvd. could hear you screaming at me.
    I felt very bad about it the next day and came away feeling our friendship had become damaged.  I'm very sorry if I made you angry and would very much like to remain your friend.
    Sincerely,
    "Little" Eddie Fountaine
Dear Eddie:
    That's okay,  You can't help it you're an IGNORANT !@#*!  #*$&#.

Dear Moon:
    My name is Bill Landes from Hermitage Farm and I have changed hairdressers and have gotten a curly permanent in hopes I could get my hair to look like my idol, Fred Seitz of Brookdale Farm.  His hair is just perfect and always so wavy.
    Do you think my new hairdo makes me look more like Fred Seitz? 
    Signed,
    Bill Landes
Dear Bill:
    I do see some resemblance in your new hairdo and that of Fred Seitz', except for the fact that Fred Seitz' hair is much grayer than yours is.